Therapy Starter Pack
Congratulations! You’ve completed one of the hardest steps: asking for help.
Now, you’ll embark on a journey many avoid to transform into the best version of yourself.
With any epic sojourn, you’re going to need a map and some essentials for the voyage ahead. In therapy with me this includes some core concepts and foundational tools in your toolkit.
Core idea #1: You are not who you think you are; you’re more.
Each of us began our Earth trip with the hardware of a brain with infinite potential. None of us knew our names, details of our family, details of culture, or what we liked and didn’t like, outside of our biological instinct to survive. However, from the moment your parents knew you were going to be born, there were programs ready to be installed into your “brain computer” (shoutout to Dr. Frances Cress Welsing). Common programs include: your name, what it would mean for you to be a boy or a girl, what school you’d go to, the family values you’d need to adopt, what your occupation should or shouldn’t be, your religion, and so forth. How much say did you have in this process? None!
In essence, we are all victims to the programs (i.e., socialization) we received throughout childhood from our environments. Some of these programs are beautiful and helpful for our development and some of them, not so much. Lets peek into some of my programming for a reference.
Regarding helpful programming, I learned the value of community from my family. This should be no surprise considering the collectivistic nature of African/Nigerian/African American/Black culture. In my interactions with my loved ones growing up, I learned that my power as an individual expanded exponentially when a part of a community of other likeminded people. It’s why I enjoyed team sports and enjoy working on and with high performing teams.
Or, growing up in the church, I learned the beauty of believing things that I couldn’t quite see or always understand (i.e., faith). This faith in the unseen allowed me to visualize myself at an elite DI football program as a kiddo, even though I had zero scholarship offers at the time. The vision came to pass as I went to the University of Georgia to play college football and pursue my interest in psychology. These are just two examples out of the thousands of programs we are bombarded throughout our childhood.
Conversely, I received less helpful programming that didn’t serve my best interests (or others) over the long run. The collectivistic culture that taught me community also bred the insidious habit of prioritizing the needs of others before my own. This had short-term benefits in my relationships, but over time became an addiction that would take me years of rehabilitation and healing to address. More on that soon…
Similarly, my upbringing as a Christian exposed me to ideas that I never questioned. One that always comes to mind is that gay people are sinners, damned for their sexual orientation. This belief seemed just fine right up until I got to college and I started to recognize my behavior around people who were gay. It was the first time I questioned why I laughed at gay jokes or teased them for who they loved. But this was after many years of failing to question those beliefs programmed early in my life and for sure harming sexual minorities in the process. Luckily, I caught this program and decided that I didn’t want it anymore.
We are programmed outside of our awareness, by sources outside of us. Our task as a growing human is to question the beliefs we’ve received and to delete the ones that have narrowed our idea of who we and others are and to recognize that we are much greater than the programs we received. Which takes us to the next core idea…
Core idea #2: You are a powerful being and can transform yourself and your life.
Similar to your computer or phone, your hardware (i.e., your brain) can be updated. We do not have to become victims to the programs etched into our minds.
All too often, we live on autopilot running on an operating system (i.e. beliefs and feelings) that we never stopped to evaluate. We are simply replaying what we’ve been taught by our parents, families, teachers, coaches, and so forth. Again, you're not broken, this just makes you human. But what happens if what you were taught no longer serves you?
In therapy, we investigate the programs you received throughout your life and their impact on your current functioning. We find the programs that work and keep those. We also find the programs that are threats to the person you want to become. My job is to equip you with the skills to delete those programs and install new ones that serve you and the life you wish to lead. If all goes according to plan, you’ll realize that you have immense power —dare I say a superpower—to direct the course of your life by consciously choosing the hundreds of choices you make each day.
Core idea #3: Everything you need is already built inside of you!
At some point, we’ve all avoided confronting those repetitive stories (i.e. thoughts), unpleasant feelings, and habitual patterns that we find ourselves in over and over again. Ironically, those thoughts, feelings, and habits are opportunities to learn about ourselves and find our way toward the best version of ourselves. The therapy process is learning how our thoughts, feelings, and actions impact our lives, our relationships, and the broader systems that we are part of, such as family, work, religion, etc. Will you tune in to yourself to learn?
No worries, this is why I get to be your therapist! I’ll join you as we peek inside your psyche to find your most authentic self. In no time, you’ll learn how to do so on your own. In the meantime, below is a list of resources that will inevitably come up in our process. You might see this information as fuel to get you to where you want to be.
Common Conditions:
Anxiety
Depression
Trauma
What is Trauma? (Shorter)
What is Trauma? (More Detailed)
Grief
Stages of Grief (Brief Overview)
Stages of Grief (More Detailed Overview)
